


White Petals

by transparenthearts



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, One-Sided Love, hanahaki disease au, hastily researched flower meanings, mostly angst, not much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 17:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13885653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transparenthearts/pseuds/transparenthearts
Summary: Smiles can be painfully beautiful, but heartbreaks signals death.





	White Petals

**Author's Note:**

> My spin on the soulmate!au and hanahaki!au. Crossposted on aff.
> 
> Inspired by lately's hanahaki!au story [[x](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12368184/chapters/31913382)] so if there's some similarities, I apologize. Her fic reminded me that I wanted to try writing a fic revolving around the Hanahaki Disease au since the first time I read one about it.
> 
> I recommend you listen to Sunggyu's Mirror while reading this.

No one believed Woohyun when he told them he was going to die from spitting out flowers; not because he was notorious for pulling a few pranks here and there—for instance, once lying to Dongwoo, telling him that his parents were opening up another restaurant in Busan and that he and his dad was going to move there to watch over it or when he told Sungjong that Myungsoo was interested in him (which had ended up in a disaster with Woohyun sporting a red bruise on his cheek for a week)—but because so very few people believed that the Hanahaki disease was real.

Woohyun had told them that he felt a sharp pain in his lungs before he hacked up a mix of small, soft pink and blue petals— _but how can they be soft when they were just came out of my mouth?_ he’d wonder. Sungjong just shook his head and continued scrolling through his phone, completely unperturbed by his friend’s outburst. Sungyeol told Woohyun that he was just being dramatic. It was a tough cough, but there was no way a person could actually cough out flowers because “that’s just fairytales and myths, Woohyun.” He looked to Sunggyu, hoping that his hyung would at least believe him or show some concern, but he had simply just shrugged with a pitiful expression on his face. Woohyun sighed and shrugged it off. Maybe he was just imagining things. Exams were coming up soon and they had all been quite sleep-deprived as of late anyways.

 

❀

 

“Hyung, do you believe in soulmates?” Woohyun had brought up one day.

“You mean like the ‘Hanahaki disease’ stuff? I don’t see why I should,” he’d reply.

“But haven’t you wondered if it’s real? Like, it’s extremely rare, but some people have said they’ve had it before, spit out flowers and everything from heartache and then eventually die from heartbreak because their soulmate ended up with someone else except for them.”

“That’s grim. Why would you want that to be real?”

“No, I’m not saying I want it to be real. It sounds painful if it ever happened to me, but it feels like one of the seven wonders of the world. No one’s ever seen these flowers that the Hanahaki victims have coughed out but they all were stuck in a one-sided love that when unrequited for too long suddenly made their lungs fail on them and no doctor in the world has ever figured out why that happens physically.”

“The concept of soulmates would be too improbable, because honestly, what are the chances you’d find your soulmate amongst seven billion people? And would everyone even have a soulmate? If they did, you’d think everyone would be coughing out flowers at some point in their lives, but they don’t.”

Woohyun didn’t know how to answer back.

“The Hanahaki stuff is all pseudo-science, anyways. It’s about as real as horoscopes and fortune-telling. Wait, don’t tell Sungyeol I said that.”

(You said it’s nothing,  
You said not to worry)

 

❀

 

It took two weeks before Woohyun started coughing more often than just a small one once or twice a day. When he felt as if he’d nearly coughed out his lungs, his teammates were worried but said nothing otherwise after their futsal coach sent Woohyun to the nurse to make sure he wasn’t coming down with some kind of cold. After all, he couldn’t have any of his players getting sick when the university tournaments were coming up.

Woohyun sighed as he walked out of the nurse’s office. He’d recount what he felt and coughed out of his mouth to the nurse but she had no words to give him since he didn’t seem to be out of the ordinary physically except for the odd coughs and lung pain. She suggested going to an actual hospital since university nurses didn’t have the proper equipment or expertise to handle cases like Woohyun’s, but he declined.

On the way out, he figured he could stay on campus a little longer before heading back home. He stopped by the music major building, finding Sunggyu in one of the many-filled soundproof piano rooms. His back was to the door but Woohyun could tell that he was practicing with all his heart. Woohyun watched as Sunggyu’s body swayed with the rhythm of his fingers, hair flowing left and right like it always did when Sunggyu was really into it. Woohyun himself was so attracted to the passion that seemed to seep out of Sunggyu’s body that he hadn’t even noticed when the music stopped and that Sunggyu was staring back at him through the door’s window, content surprise etched into his eyes and lips. Sunggyu had opened the door and pulled his friend in, telling him, “next time, just knock and I’ll let you in. I need someone to tell me how this sounds anyways and you’re better than half of the people in my class.” With Woohyun sitting on the right side of the bench next to Sunggyu, he closed his eyes as music filled the room once more. It was a slow and melancholic piece. He just knew that the somber melody was going to haunt him for a long time, but he didn’t know how long exactly.

When Sunggyu finished playing, he looked at Woohyun expectantly as the boy slowly opened his eyes—when had he even closed them?—and softly smiled. “It’s great, hyung. It’s almost like I can feel what you felt when you wrote this.” Sunggyu smiled and explained that it was a piece in progress, that he hadn’t gotten down to what kind of melody he wanted yet. And just then, when Woohyun was in awe of Sunggyu’s self-pride, he coughed into his hand a few white petals. His hyung’s eyebrows scrunched up and his mouth opened up to probably nag at him that he shouldn’t let himself get sick so late into the semester. Woohyun interrupted him, scrunching up the petals within his palms, by telling him he’ll drink more water and get more rest to see if it would get rid of his coughs.

It didn’t. That day was also the last time Sunggyu smiled genuinely at him.

 

❀

 

“Hyung, you should really see a doctor.”

“I’m okay,” Woohyun tried to reassure, but Sungjong wasn’t buying any of it.

“Don’t you dare collapse in front of me and make me call an ambulance to finally bring you to the hospital and then have the doctor tell me that you’re dying from lung cancer or something.”

Woohyun only laughed at the absurdity of Sungjong’s statement as if he truly believed that such a circumstance would never happen. “I swear I won’t.”

He hoped.

(It’s just a passing sadness,  
You said it’ll be alright)

 

❀

 

It only took a few days after they all had just finished their exams that Sunggyu announced he was dating Bora. Hoya had given a look of disbelief, questioning what kind of magic he put on Bora to even make her consider dating someone like him. “Yah! I am a great catch!” Sunggyu protested while the rest of the group tried to calm him down and congratulate him. Woohyun, however, couldn’t muster up a smile at all. Something felt wrong, felt _off_ , like his heart was trying to crush itself slowly.

Later that night, seeing Sunggyu and Bora cuddling together at their impromptu _friends-only_ dinner session—which was still actually correct since some of them were at least decent friends with Bora before the whole dating ordeal—only made it worse. Woohyun had gotten up the moment Sunggyu and Bora sat down to go to the restroom to nearly throw up even more blue flower petals in one of the stalls. It took five minutes before he could calm down and plaster on the fakest smile he could possibly manage to give to Sunggyu and Bora when he sat back down.

Woohyun had torn his eyes away from the couple’s side of the table so quickly that he didn’t notice Sunggyu eyes lingered on him for a while, smile itching to fade away despite all the playful banter their friends were giving Sunggyu.

Throughout the night, Woohyun felt the urge to cough multiple times, but he (thankfully for his own sake) had kept them all in. He didn’t want Sunggyu to worry anymore. After all, Sunggyu had finally (maybe?) found someone that his parents would approve of. Woohyun didn’t want to tell Sunggyu about the murky feelings that were swirling within his heart. Didn’t want to tell Sunggyu about the hammering thoughts of _you two don’t belong together_ and _I know that you’re_ my _soulmate, not her._

❀

“My parents want me to be a lawyer and marry a nice girl. Have a few kids. A nice family. Most likely would want me to move back to Jeonju, too.”

“Is that what you want, though?”

“Hm,” a pause, and then, “I can’t disappoint my parents, after all they’ve been through to raise me and send me with enough money to attend university in Seoul.”

“Have you ever talked to them about what you wanted?”

“Never. I mean, I contemplated it before, but no. I couldn’t do that to them after my dad’s first stroke happened while I was away from home playing _high school rock band_ at my friend’s house.”

(But these days, you seem lifeless,  
These days, I feel like you’re so far away,  
So unfamiliar)

 

❀

 

Woohyun really wanted to be okay, he really did, but as the days had gone by and turned into weeks, he felt like his lungs were always on fire. Before Sunggyu and Bora happened, the two of them used to always hang out randomly after all their classes were over. They would waste their time watching movies or just sit around at Woohyun’s house doing nothing in particular—Woohyun playing games and Sunggyu studying or Woohyun trying to make sense of what Sunggyu had just taught him while the latter played games on his phone until Woohyun figured out the correct answer or simply just lying on his bed talking about anything and everything.

Now? Woohyun felt like he was being left out of the picture and it was his own fault. He gradually distanced himself from Sunggyu purposely in attempts to settle down the blue flower petals that just seemed to litter around everywhere he walked, not bothering to even sweep them out of his way like he did in the first month. Unsurprisingly, Sungyeol was the first to notice that Woohyun had been avoiding Sunggyu. He’d tried to get his friend to spill his guts to no avail. He even tried to push Myungsoo to give Woohyun his best puppy eyes but Myungsoo had shut up immediately the moment he looked into his eyes and saw the dark circles around his eyes. Woohyun knew they could see how tired and sunken in his face looked—he’d had numerous sleepless nights from all the searing, hot petals that endlessly formed form within his lungs.

Eventually, Sunggyu noticed that Woohyun talked less and less each time the group met up during their free time. It came to the point where one day Sunggyu had to put in effort to chase Woohyun down and corner him alone in order to talk to him. _Thank God Bora isn’t here_ , he’d thought because if she was, he didn’t think he would’ve been able to talk properly without throwing up in front of them.

And just as he had thought, his hyung was just concerned for his well-being like always, asking if he’d been getting enough sleep, if he’d been eating well and the likes. Instead of answering, he smiled the best he could even though they both knew he didn’t mean it. Somehow a minute of constant nagging and questioning dragged out a thoughtless agreement to have a drink between just the two of them. He hadn’t meant to say yes to any hangouts that Sunggyu wanted, but the confusion within the interrogation had made him slip up and no amount of excuses made Sunggyu relent on the idea. His hyung was set on the two of them spending some time together since it had actually been almost _two months_ since they had any alone time (which was back at the piano room).

Like how Sunggyu couldn’t say “no” to his parents, Woohyun couldn’t really say “no” to Sunggyu either. Sunggyu was weirdly stubborn like that.

 

❀

“Oh! Hi, you’re Woohyun, right?”

“Uh, yes?” It was surprising then. He’d never met this guy in his life, but they were both classmates and they both had to work together to play a duet piano piece and he was immediately mesmerized by the bright, shining eyes that gazed into his own.

“I remember you from last week. During the test? You were really good. So much better than everyone else in my opinion.” _A pretty smile that goes with pretty eyes_ , he’d thought back then.

“Thanks? You were good, too.” A lie for the sake of formalities since he remembered blanking out for the rest of the class after he performed in front of the class.

“No, really. You actually have passion and soul in the way you play. Everyone’s so busy worrying about not making any mistakes that they end up sounding robotic, but not you.”

Woohyun chuckled. “Is that your way of saying that I messed up and pressed the wrong keys?”

“No! Not at all!” Rosiness colored the other’s cheeks at Woohyun’s blunt joke.

“Let’s go get a room to practice in.” His smile was as wide as it had ever been for the rest of that day.

That first meeting was the first time Woohyun _heard_ someone’s heart and also the first time he felt his own heart ache when Sunggyu admitted that he wasn’t majoring in music three weeks later on the day of their duet performance.

“You sounded really good on the finals. Want to come over to my mom’s restaurant for dinner to celebrate?”

“I won’t say no to free food.”

“Who said it was free?”

(Come back to me, like you were before,  
Look at me and smile brightly for me,  
These days, the way you look at me,  
Is so sad)

 

❀

 

Despite being a relatively strong drinker, it was his third (fourth?) bottle of soju when Woohyun felt his sight spinning. _Probably due to my lack of sleep lately_ , he reasoned. Sunggyu sat next to him on the couch, their thighs touching. It was common of them to sit on Sunggyu’s old, garage-sale couch and drink their asses off during break watching random dramas or movies at Sunggyu’s apartment ,but it felt far too foreign and unfamiliar to Woohyun at that moment. And if Sunggyu noticed Woohyun’s discomfort or lack of response, he didn’t comment on it; instead deciding to fill the silence with his own chatter.

By the end of the movie— _what was it even about?_ —Woohyun had finished a sixth bottle, having gone to the bathroom nearly three times in the span of two hours. His mind screamed at him to just call it a night and head home but his body betrayed him. Ironically, the alcohol consumption helped relieve the burning within his lungs to replace it with the burning of poison sitting heavy in his stomach. He felt like he’d regret drinking so much come morning. He noticed that Sunggyu had only drunk two bottles. Sunggyu had always been a light drinker— _ever the responsible hyung, wanting to take care of us_ —but drinking just two when it was just the two of them in _his_ own apartment was new and Woohyun did not do _new_ when it came to Sunggyu. At least, not since the first month or so they’d started seriously hanging out together.

Sunggyu had talked throughout the night, trying to say _something_ to Woohyun. He couldn’t tell if it was important or not due to the heaviness in his head and the melancholic piano music echoing through his brain. It was getting hard to pay attention to what his hyung was saying. Eventually, Sunggyu gave up and let Woohyun fall asleep on the couch with a pillow and a set of blankets that smelled of the former.

The next morning while throwing up dinner, bile, and purple petals, Woohyun wouldn’t recall that Sunggyu admitted that he missed Woohyun a lot.

 

❀

 

“Woohyun, I worry about you! Your coughs are getting worse and worse! Theres _blood_ , Woohyun! Stop trying to act like you’re okay! I don’t want this to end up like all of those Hanahaki stories where they die! I don’t want you to end up just a story like they did!”

“Please stop crying, Sungjong.”

“Then promise me that you’ll get better! Me, Myungsoo, Sungyeol, Dongwoo, Hoya, hell, even Bora! We’re all getting scared for you, that you’ll be gone soon.”

“Sungjongie, I can’t…”

“Yes you can! Say you can. You can’t give up so easily…”

(But these days, your shoulders look tired,  
These days, you seem so small,  
That’s how I feel)

 

❀

 

Woohyun knew that he’d eventually be found out. It wasn’t hard to when it had been four months since he’d started coughing out petals which evolved overtime to nearly _half an entire flower_. They were strangely starting to look familiar to him. But instead of the colors he was used to seeing previously: pink, blue, and purple, the colors of the petals had been stained with blood. And to his luck, Sungjong had witnessed the blood coming out of his lungs on the night they were walking back home from the bar.

Sungyeol wanted to celebrate the end of their—Woohyun, Hoya, Sungyeol, and Myungsoo’s—second year of university by getting shit-faced drunk. Sunggyu and Bora had come along, too. The two of them mostly sitting at the bar, watching out for Myungsoo’s strange drunk habits until Bora’s friends had arrived and she went to the dance floor with them.

Woohyun, for the most part, was forced to talk to Sunggyu. Whenever Sunggyu would say something, he would hum noncommittally, paying more attention to the ghostly echoes of melancholic piano melodies ringing in his head. Whenever he would ask him a question, he’d give a curt reply and whenever he’d smile after finishing an anecdote, he’d return a strained one. Ever since the night at Sunggyu’s apartment, he had been insistent on spending even the shortest moments with Woohyun. It was driving Woohyun crazy how often he had to try to hold in the coughs during their walks home after fustal practice—Sunggyu was stubborn about waiting for Woohyun; although he spent most of his time glued to the games on his phone—until he couldn’t anymore and end up spitting out all of the purple and blue petals at once. Each time it happened, he had to watch as his hyung’s expression turned more and more pitiful. _Because you’re an unfortunate fool who just had to meet his soulmate_.

“Woohyun-ah, make sure to drink some water,” Sunggyu had said throughout the night at the bar.

Woohyun’s eyes began to water as his brain supplied more and more of Sunggyu’s acts of pity towards this dying _fool_. The red petals on the ground began to blur into what looked like a puddle of just blood; and to be honest, that was all Sungjong saw, too, with tears clouding his own eyes.

“You have to promise me, Woohyun hyung. Don’t give up…”

But Woohyun felt as if it was too late. He had already given up the moment the first petal fell from his mouth.

 

❀

 

That day was a regular Wednesday afternoon with the guys. Exams were coming up the following next week and they had all been studying—well, most of them, anyways. He remembered Sungyeol and Myungsoo arguing over whether alpacas should be house pets or not. Sungjong was glued to his phone as always. Dongwoo was, well, Dongwoo. He was busy trying to show Hoya how to braid a friendship bracelet despite the latter’s disinterest in learning or having one altogether. And he, Sunggyu, had his head tilted back, left arm lifted up in attempts to cover up his laughter from a dumb joke Woohyun told—honestly, it wasn’t even funny, but Sunggyu seemed to enjoy his dumb humor regardless.

It was in that moment that Woohyun paid attention to the small wrinkles at the corner of Sunggyu’s eyes when he smiled so widely that his cheeks would puff up and his eyes turned into thin crescents. His laugh was light and airy, almost melodic to his ears and the sun accentuated his light brown hair, making the silhouette of his hair almost golden.

That was when Woohyun realized he was in love and that he was probably going to die of heartbreak.

 (Come back to me, like you were before,  
Look at me and smile brightly for me,  
These days, the way you look at me,  
Is so sad)

 

❀

 

“Sungjong told me that you’ve been hiding your coughs whenever I’m around.”

Silence.

“Woohyun-ah, I’m sorry.”

_His voice sounds anguished and painful_.

“You haven’t been honest with me and truthfully, I haven’t been honest with you either.”

_But why does his voice sound so far away_?

“Did you know? Hydrangeas come in all sorts of colors. I’ve seen pink, blue, and purple. I’ve seen white in the pictures, but I’ve never actually seen them in person until now. Have you seen them before?”

_White petals were when you left that sad song in my head. Your song. My song. Our Song?_

Woohyun was startled awake by a violent cough. He jerked his upper body up, letting blues mixed with red spill onto the bed sheets. He looked to his right and saw that an hour had passed since Sungjong and him left the bar. A meek, high-pitched cough by the end of his bed caught his attention. _Sunggyu_. A weak “hyung?” escaped the disoriented boy, but before he could say more, he noticed that there were white petals on the floor by Sunggyu’s feet and Sunggyu himself hunched over with his hands holding onto his throat.

_How long had Sunggyu been here for?_

“Did you hear what I said?” Sunggyu’s smile seemed pained. His voice sounded sore, too.

“Sorta? Kinda? What did you mean?” _by not behind honest?_ He didn’t voice with his dry throat. He could feel his heart starting to beat a mile a minute. The blood rushed to his head at an abnormal speed making his head feel heavy and dizzy. He just wanted the burning to stop.

“Bora actually broke up with me a week ago.”

_A week ago?_ A week ago had felt so long ago, Woohyun having only focused on settling his head and lungs enough to be able to get through all of his exams and futsal practices without any incidents.

“She said to me that she couldn’t be with someone who was in love with someone else.”

_Since when?_ Woohyun wanted to vocalize, but the dryness in his throat reminded him that he couldn’t speak properly.

“She’s known that I’ve been coughing the whole time we were dating. She never actually saw me in pain while coughing until last week, though. Told me that she’s seen it happen before to a friend of hers in high school.”

Woohyun wanted to ask if she lived, but they both knew the answer to that question. He realized then that his eyes were glazed over with moisture, tears beginning to form. “Who?” he croaked. _Who is your soulmate?_ he wanted to ask because although Kim Sunggyu was his soulmate, it didn’t mean Nam Woohyun was Kim Sunggyu’s soulmate.

“It’s you, silly. Remember the first day we had dinner together with Bora? You looked away so fast and I could tell you didn’t like me with Bora. That night got me thinking and I couldn’t help but to realize that it was always you, always making sure I was smiling. The petals were white and purple on my bed the next morning.” Sunggyu’s eyes watered, also, as he coughed out a few more white petals that piled up on the floor. “I’m not as bad as you,” he gestured to the red-stained petals on Woohyun’s bed with a tearful expression. He lifted up his hand, cupping Woohyun’s cheek and wiping away the tears that left streaks across his face. Sunggyu’s hands were warm, almost hot.

“Hurts,” Woohyun croaked. “I was… in so much pain.”

“Stop talking, Woohyun. I’ll be right back.” Sunggyu lifted himself off of his bed and left the room. A minute later, he returned with a cup of water that Woohyun hastily gulped down.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He mumbled through his tear-stricken voice.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Sunggyu’s expression mirrored the pitiful looks he had given to Woohyun from the past few months, except this time they were not looks of pity but of an expression of heartfelt desire to understand him.

“Your parents. A wife, kids, family, lawyer.”

“You already knew I never wanted any of that. But you also knew I was never good at saying no to my parents,” he laughed bitterly. “But you know what? I want you.”

Woohyun didn’t notice it, but his hand had found Sunggyu’s—their hands were clasped together almost too tightly as if they were both afraid that letting go would mean the other’s disappearance.

“You kept telling me that you were okay, but I worried. You always looked so… dead and tired, I was scared. Then I kept asking you to stay with me but all you wanted was to stay as far as possible away from me. All I want, is your smile and for you to stop being sad.”

“I thought you were too filial of a son to ever date a man,” he answered regretfully.

Silence overtook them for a moment before Sunggyu spoke up, “that song I played for you a while back. Do you remember it?” _How could I when it was all I heard these past few months?_ Woohyun thought. “I want you to hear the whole thing. We’ve been fools for so long that we’re practically mirrors of each other now.”

Woohyun’s lips twitched in agreement. He almost wanted to say that everything could have been avoided if Sunggyu had just told him, but then he remembered he kept it in also. _Mirrors of each other, huh._

“ _Come back to me, like you were before._ ” A sweet, but solemn voice filled the room. “ _Look at me and smile brightly for me._ ”

“These days, the way you look at me is so sad,” Woohyun added in tune with the melody reverberating within his own body.

Sunggyu squeezed their clasped hands and smiled warmly with bright, yet tired eyes, “it’s time for us to be happy, Woohyun.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the time skips weren't confusing. I tried to make it as obvious as possible when things were happening. It's been a long time since I last wrote something. I wrote this all in a span of a few hours last night right before bed and revised it just now so if there's mistakes, please let me know.
> 
> In case it wasn't clear, hanahaki disease is a fictional disease where people cough out flowers due to unrequited love. Usually, long progressions of the disease causes the victims to die if their love stays unrequited. I decided to tie that into a soulmate au where only soulmates can get the hanahaki disease and no one else can see each other's flowers except for their soulmates. So in this case, Sunggyu noticed that Woohyun had the disease later on in the story.
> 
> Also, they were both coughing out Hydrangea petals. A quick google search told me that each color meant something else so I tried to incoporate that into the story.
> 
> If there's anything else you're confused about, feel free to ask. Thank you for reading!


End file.
